he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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