My liver just broke up with me...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
