I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
