you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
