the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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