Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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