We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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