she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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