i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
FUCK WHALES
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
