I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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