i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the day after is always just damage control
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
