new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
