i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
