i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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