taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
