Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my being single is dangerous.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
