im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
