Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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