I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
