she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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