Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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