I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
