I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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