Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
