Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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