I want to make a zoo with you.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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