we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
