Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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