I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
