Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
