I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
God I need to hump something, right now.
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