Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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