Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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