i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
