His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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