Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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