yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
