so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
