I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
