Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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