I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Green mimosas i think yes
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
