Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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