So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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