Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
