made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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