my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
