Quick, to the slutcave!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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