I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
