he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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