i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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